Aah, Family!

I have a dysfunctional family. We are not the type to put the "fun" in dysfunctional either. In fact, we are more of the "dis" kind. Everything is negative, insults fly, badmouthing pervades conversation. I thought maybe, just maybe, I had escaped that when I stopped talking to my mother, but as it turns out, my sister has the crazy too. Why have I chosen to procreate?

I'm not even going to to into the details of where this is all coming from. Just know that any rational conversation that ever existed in this world began and ended in someone else's family. Here are just a few examples (some of these are going back quite a ways, but the impact is oh-so-everlasting!)

Mom (in an attempt to compliment me on weight loss): What's that swishing noise, because I don't see your knees rubbing together anymore?!

Mom (upon hearing of my decision to change professional goals): You're ruining your potential.

Sister (on New Year's Day): I think you are pulling away from our side of the family. It's always been a tradition to call at midnight and instead you went to bed. That really sucks! Not only had I lost my phone, but I was in bed by 10:30 on New Year's Eve because I was exhausted from my egg implanting in my uterus

Mom (about my relationship with my sister): I resent the fact that you and your sister are so close.

Sister (on Target stores, specifically Super Target): So if a regular Target has one door, and a Greatland Target has two doors, a Super Target must have three.
Me: Nope, just two.
Sister: But that doesn't make any sense. It should have three.
Me: But it doesn't
Sister: But it should.

Mom (after sending me a resume of a guy she wanted to set me up with even after I had announced that I was not only seeing someone,but in love - who I coincidentally married!): I just thought you'd like to see how much you had in common. I didn't know you were so serious about this other guy.

Need I go on?