Loss of Innocence

My best friend is currently involved in a long-term relationship. Not just long-term like we'll see where this goes, but long-term as in this is it. As with every relationship, there are ups and downs. And as many of us know, when you are preparing to spend the rest of your life with someone, the downs can sometimes overpower the ups. In my personal experience, there were many times when it would have been easier to just give up. Fortunately, I never did, but I can recall one too many phone calls where my end of the conversation was apathetic at best, waiting for him to say just the right thing (or wrong thing depending on how you look at it) to make me end it. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband and never doubted my feelings - I simply doubted my stamina.

Whether or not this was your experience as well, this is what my best friend is going through.

Relationships are hard. Learning to communicate with someone from another planet is harder. Put the two together - oh! and add a few hundred miles in between - and seeds of doubt will inevitably plant themselves. What always kept me going, even during those phone calls, was that there was never another option. Sure I could think about it and, as I said, wait for him to say that one thing that would push me over the edge, but the truth is it never came because there wasn't anything he could say. We loved each other. Distance was an issue, but not a dealbreaker. Fights were bound to happen, but they always taught us how better to talk to one another. And doubt? As far as I'm concerned, you don't care enough about something or someone if you never once question if it's worth it. How else will you be able to answer yes?

So back to my bff and the real point to this post. He, too, is doing the long-distance thing with his girlfriend, but that is no where near their most difficult challenge. He is of mixed race and she is not. In this day and age, it shouldn't matter. They have common values, goals, and above all, see beyond the skin color to the person inside. Isn't that what our parents always taught us? (Maybe not and I'm sorry if that's how you grew up) Turns out, even if this is what your parents always taught you, their opinion may change once you bring home a person of a different color. Sure, that's what you should believe, just not what you practice.

For many of us, disappointment in our parents begins at an early age. For whatever reason, we learn in our youth that the dynamic duo is not so dynamic. However, some don't find this out until well into adulthood. And then it happens. Your world is turned upside down. You don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore. You begin to question everything they've ever taught you. And even worse, you begin to question what you've learned. Lucky for me, my parents obligingly took care of this growing pain sometime prior to or during adolescence. But for my best friend's girlfriend, the hurt is just beginning.

I only know the trials associated with a mixed-race relationship second-hand. My best friend, in his infinite confidence, sweares he will win over his future in-laws. But the world has changed now. From this point on, his girlfriend will have doubt. She will question. She will wonder if it's worth it.

And hopefully, she will always answer, yes!